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When did your marriage end?

40441504_S.jpgA divorce can carry so many concerns and stigmas that sometimes you may be contemplating the necessity of a divorce without really admitting to yourself that you need to divorce. Words carry great power and you may not want to name "the thing itself," but you know, deep down, when it is time.

Maybe you are afraid of what your friends or worse, your family, will think. Failure. Broken. Dysfunctional. No, the words are not positive, but have you examined your relationship closely. What are you receiving from it? Stress, discomfort, tension or a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach? Would being divorced really be worse?

People often insist on staying together because of their child or children. They tell themselves that it is important to not let the children know that they no longer love their spouse and that their relationship is empty.

Guess what?

They already know. They can sense the chill in the air when your spouse responds sharply to a seemingly neutral comment or stalks out of the room in stony silence. They know when you are talking on the phone in hushed tones to a friend discussing the state of your marriage. And it is not good for them. Ever.

Yes, a divorce creates many challenges, both financial and emotional, but so does staying together in a failing marriage. Need we add, that many of your neighbors in Columbia have divorced. Some of your friends are probably divorces. Sure, some have problems, but many of those problems are not caused by the divorce, but may have contributed to the set of issues that caused their divorce.

Your divorce attorney can help with the legal details, but you have to make the first decision. Simply put, you only have one life, and there are no do-overs. If your marriage exists in name only and has already ended, you may want to make that ending a legal one.

Source: huffingtonpost.com, "10 Signs it Might Be Time to Divorce," Cheryl and Joe Dillon, July 15, 2015

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